All day long beating you over the head with their media telling you what to believe, what to think and what to buy. It helps in consumer profiling for online advertising. Well, we know what they want: They want more for themselves and less for everybody else.". "The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. We're so self-important. They should be giving their money to you. 01. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Then they would drink a lot of coffee.' The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he. In his 1996 HBO special Back in Town, the late comic legend and social critic George Carlin nailed the hypocrisy of social conservatives who rail against abortion and birth control with "pro-life" rhetoric while simultaneously attacking social . Thats what the owners count on, Carlin intones. ", 43. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Thell get it all from you sooner or later cause they own this fuckin place. "Atheism is a non-prophet organization. This cookie is used for identifying the geographical location by country of the user. ", 68. Scorecard Research sets this cookie for browser behaviour research. They don't pass through a membrane from another reality. By clicking Accept, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. "I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. Owned by agkn, this cookie is used for targeting and advertising purposes. ", 104. "So, have a little fun. "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. And they all vote. ''It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. To me, war is a lot of prick-waving! "Sometimes people say, 'Do I try to make audiences think?' ", 100. Broadly speaking. They dont want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. You're down to seven. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm. George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. George Carlin, Some people see the glass half full. He said: Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. They dont care about you at all. Facebook sets this cookie to show relevant advertisements to users by tracking user behaviour across the web, on sites that have Facebook pixel or Facebook social plugin. "He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever f**k things up this badly. Its because volunteers work for no pay. - Doc Holliday. Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. ", 52. '", 78. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? George Carlin, Laugh often, long and loud. In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent, civilized human beings in the 21st Century. YouTube sets this cookie to store the video preferences of the user using embedded YouTube video. "May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. If he wants to just lecture with his opinions then he gets lectured back with other peoples opinions. This cookie, set by DataXu, tracks the advertisement report which helps to improve the marketing activity. Everything He ever makes dies. The table has tilted, folks. "Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. Theyll get it. Its because volunteers work for no pay. "Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. "The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. ", 10. I say: 'No no no,' because that really would be the kiss of death," Carlin said in his final interview before his death in 2008. Below are some famous quotes and jokes by the man, the myth, the legend, the comedian George Carlin. "If you cant say something nice about a person, go ahead. It will not be with jack-boots. Whats that, a bonus? That's what the owners count on; the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes everyday. "I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. Believe me, my friend. Thats what all that adolescent, macho, male posturing and strutting in bars and locker rooms is all about. (LogOut/ . Answer (1 of 16): He hated mostly all politicians. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. I like people who buck the system. ", 17. ", 14. "There's a humorous side to every situation. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? ", 88. Issued by Microsoft's ASP.NET Application, this cookie stores session data during a user's website visit. Now I feel better. "People always tell me 'Have a nice day.' ", 11. "I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. RIP George Carlin. The people are fucked. George Carlin, Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. 27 Feb 2023 13:57:17 Check out100 Best Dad Jokes50 Thinking of You Quotes50 Friday Quotes50 Monday Motivation Quotes101Bad Puns200Jokes for Kids, Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television. "Although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. You only get to hear cats. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. George Carlin, I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimers disease where they slowly began to recover other peoples lost memories. George Carlin, When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. ", 63. ", 4. ", 25. He's not a cheese. Fewer Texans. Save the planet; we dont even know how to take care of ourselves yet. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. Change), You are commenting using your Twitter account. Enter your email address to follow Motley News. Whenever some boomer try's to lecture you about how their first job in the 60s they only made $3 an hour, just remember, $3 in 1969 had the equivalent buying power as $25.01 today. PayPal sets this cookie to enable secure transactions through PayPal. ", 102. ", 95. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. ", 101. If a dog can do it, you can watch. Your culture and entertainment cheat-sheet. ", 113. Its part of that showoff and dropout syndrome. These current events and social issues that are relevant today . Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window). This cookie stores a visitor's unique identifier for Chartbeat tracking on the site. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, 'Why not?' This cookie, set by YouTube, registers a unique ID to store data on what videos from YouTube the user has seen. I don't like cats. This cookie is used for storing country code selected from country selector. "You show me a lazy p***k who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to p**s, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble. Thats right. When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. ", 3. ", 92. George Carlin. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. [5] And another one: Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. By programmers in one hour. He died in 2008, the week after he had been named the recipient of the Mark Twain Prize . Others see it half empty. After that, they don't wanna know about you. Recorded on November 5, 2005, Beacon Theater, New York City, New York. The sp_landing is set by Spotify to implement audio content from Spotify on the website and also registers information on user interaction related to the audio content. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. Don't miss a beat. Well, we know what they want. Because if everything is really the fault of politicians, where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans who are ready to step in and replace them? This cookie is used to detect and defend when a client attempt to replay a cookie.This cookie manages the interaction with online bots and takes the appropriate actions. ", 37. LinkedIn sets the lidc cookie to facilitate data center selection. ", 32. Whatever you do dont make it go viral! "Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. "If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. This cookie is used for email services. He talked about things that could be considered controversial, like politics and politicians, religion, drugs, and the demise of humanity. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. Now come the lawsuits, Weird Texas GOP bill would give big tax cuts only to hetero couples with lots of kids, Libs Of TikToks Chaya Raichik & Nikki Haley gave CPAC speeches to mostly empty rooms, 5 times The Onion brilliantly skewered J.K. Rowlings & The New York Times transphobia, A right-wing podcaster tried to smear Pete Buttigieg. Thats what the owners count on. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. They want your fuckin retirement money. In the footage from his 1996 HBO special, "Back In Town," Carlin tears into the pro-life movement: "Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to 9 months. Its a subconscious need to project the penis into other peoples affairs. This cookie is set by the provider Akamai Bot Manager. The cookie, set by Krux Digital, registers a unique ID that identifies a returning user's device. No nothing. So they killed a lot of white English people in order to continue owning their black African people, so they could wipe out the rest of the red Indian people, in order to move west and steal the rest of the land from the brown Mexican people, giving them a place to take off and drop their nuclear weapons on the yellow Japanese people. They own you. 3 queens who slayed while imitating Rep. George Santoss drag alter ego, Kitara Rivache, Libs Of TikTok's Chaya Raichik & Nikki Haley gave CPAC speeches to mostly empty rooms, Tennessee issues trans healthcare ban & nation's first drag ban. Carlin was known for keeping things real, and his funny jokes were sure to get a laugh out of anyone. ""The owners of this country know the truth: It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. Theres a nice campaign slogan for somebody: The Public Sucks. I had an imaginary friend. Thats the problem. George Carlin, I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. George Carlin, Governments dont want a population capable of critical thinking; theywant obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation. George Carlin, How can He be perfect? These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. He was as prolific as he was profound, with a career spanning nearly five decades, 23 albums, 14 HBO specials, 130 Tonight Show appearances and three books (plus posthumous releases). I think the life cycle is all backwards. Let's start with critical race theory. You can't be winning a culture war if most people hate you and your culture and it is causing you to lose elections. George Carlin Philosophy, Real, Lying 192 Copy quote I've set my own rules to live by. Most are only interested in self pleasures and bad habits. Carlin's rueful 1996 routine about conservatives' opposition to abortion ("they will do anything for the unborn, but once you're born, you're on your own") became a newly viral phenomenon and. 03 Mar 2023 16:21:02 They dont want to hear from you. 3. Like the public. On Sunday, the 29-year-old Angie revealed that not . They've long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the statehouses, the city halls. RT @JamesMelville: "They own everythingThey don't care about youThey got you by the balls." ~ George Carlin He absolutely nailed it. '", 93. Term limits ain't going to do any good; you're just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. ", 89. This is what we have to offer. ", 28. And they own all the big media companies, so that they control just about all of the news and information you hear. ", 106. "When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' "Some people see the glass half full. "Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. "What if there were no hypothetical questions? Everything He ever makesdies. George Carlin, The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. What do you get at the end of it? They own you. ""Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that. "Men are from. He was a regular on the "Ed Sullivan Show," but in the 1970s he became much better known for his irreverent . ", 15. New evidence may suggest they don't and many voters are skeptical, too. I think. Laugh until you gasp for breath. George Carlin, Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school. George Carlin, The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin, People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. George Carlin, Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. George Carlin, Dont just teach your children to readTeach them to question what they read. This cookie is set by Eloqua. They own everything" "They've. the politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. This cookie allows the website to identify a user and provide enhanced functionality and personalisation. That doesnt help them. This helps to distinguish between new, returning, and loyal visitors. "You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby . Try spelling Evian backward. He missed this one. ", 5. -George Carlin There you are. ", 76. "I think people shouldbe allowed to do what they want. Famous and remained in the controversies for his dark comedy and the reflections on politics, religions, and social taboo, Carlin is . "Forget the politicians. You have no choice. "When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. ""Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. You have no choice. They own, and control the corporation. Set by Bluekai, this cookie stores anonymized data about the users' web usage in an aggregate form to build a profile for targeted advertising. leaked draft opinion from the Supreme Court. George Carlin gives him the finger from the grave. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. Lobbying, to get what they want. Ice Cube added the brief caption, "Facts.". Nitwits, assholes, fuckups, scumbags, jerkoffs, and dipshits. They own everything. "War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class men off to die. Next, honor thy father and mother. This is set on the first visit of the visitor to the site and updated on subsequent visits. You have no choice. Cloudflare sets this cookie to improve page load times and to disallow any security restrictions based on the visitor's IP address. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them. ", 98. Pattern Integrity Films set the bit to photos and video clips from modern-day America and the result is devastating. ", 69. This cookie is set by Rubicon Project and is used for recording cookie consent data. The _ga cookie, installed by Google Analytics, calculates visitor, session and campaign data and also keeps track of site usage for the site's analytics report. Thats all it is. "I'm happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in. Then you live in an old age home. George Carlin quotes are hilarious. This cookie is set by Segment to track visitor usage and events within the website. They got you by the balls. #AmericaWakeUp. "Don't give your money to the church. ""George Washington's brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country. ", 72. George Denis Patrick Carlin ( May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, singer, voice artist, and comedian, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on politics, language, psychology, and religion, as well as some taboo subjects. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he embodied America's intellectual counter culture and provided sanctuary from the crisis of modernity. '", 73. A 2018 survey by the Pew Research Center reports that less than half the country says elected officials care what . This cookie is set by Facebook to display advertisements when either on Facebook or on a digital platform powered by Facebook advertising, after visiting the website. ""Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. '""The difference between left and right of centeroriginated in the Frenchparliament. AA: George Carlin can say some outrageous things -- years ago the US Supreme Court found his "seven filthy words" monolgue "indecent." RS: But when he stopped at the National Press Club in. You and I are not in The Big Club. "I have as much authority as the Pope. They own you. Daniel Kurtzman is a political journalist turned satirist. That is against their interests. When you see the documentary, you'll see this, but the evolution of Carlin wasn't just . I don't always agree with everything he says, but I always listen Given the nature of our current Administration, I thought it timely to revisit what George said years ago (Back In Town HBO Special, 1996 . Weve added years to life, not life to years. It will not be with jack-boots. Good honest hard-working people white collar, blue collar, it doesnt matter what color shirt you have on. If you can't beat someone, arrange to have beaten him. And nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care. The late comedian often times poked fun at religion, politics, and social justice. Nobeody seems to care. You don't. Bomb them! And of course, the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. You know what the motto for this country ought to be? But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. George Carlin was a comedian and social critic. ""This country was founded by a group of slave owners who wanted to be. He always needs money! ", 115. George Carlin. "The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. In the footage from his 1996 HBO special, Back In Town, Carlin tears into the pro-life movement: Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to 9 months. They've got you by the balls. This is one of the greatest social and political commentaries of the modern era. You have no right to complain. Photo: Matthias Clamer (modified by author) Source: Getty Images One-liner jokes. At all. "People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. This cookie is set by the BlueConic. G eorge Carlin was ahead of his time. The legendary comic, who died in 2008 at the age of 71, is also the subject of an upcoming two-part documentary, George Carlins American Dream, which debuts on HBO Max later this month: By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. He loves you, and He needs money! The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.". The ad-id cookie is provided by Amazon Advertising for tallying user actions by tracking ad clicks on other websites, to provide targeted content. Nobody seems to care. Being woke, leading the charge in cancel culture, fighting censorship, and supporting those who are vulnerable and don't have a voice. No nothing. JIM STAFFORD. Juno3127 10 years ago You couldn't be more wrong. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. War is a whole lot of men standing out on a field waving their pricks at one another. Religion is like a pair of shoes, you have to find the one that fits you. Nothing changed. ", 54. You have OWNERS! Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. ", 50. Individualists. A unique user identifier cookie, set by Microsoft Application Insights software, that enables counting of the number of users accessing the application over time. We're all fucked," Carlin once said. Enter your email address below then click "FOLLOW" to receive email notifications of new posts. he was a conservative. ", 6. ", 18. They believe a womans primary role is to function as a broodmare for the state.. "By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. "It helps to remember this.. Casale Media sets this cookie to collect information on user behavior, for targeted advertising. You voted them in. Even right-wingers are getting tired of their queerphobic schtick. George Carlin: Life Is Worth Losing George Carlin told us about the Corona panic years ago Ryan Davis 3.5M views 2 years ago Joe Rogan | George Carlin's Lost 9/11 Special JRE Clips 2.6M. The cookie is set by GDPR cookie consent to record the user consent for the cookies in the category "Functional". This cookie is used for DNS Prefetch and HTTP2 Push. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he embodied America's intellectual counter culture and provided sanctuary from the crisis of modernity. When you leave them in the morning they stick their noses in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you return eight hours later. I mean, life is tough. You don't. You have no choice. They've got the judges in their back pockets. If you're born in America you get a front row seat. ", 23. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. Vimeo installs this cookie to collect tracking information by setting a unique ID to embed videos to the website. Petras said shes glad the industry is finally catching on to her talent. Ice Cube also recently voiced concerns that neither political party would actually be able to make a positive change for the betterment of Black Americansand that's reportedly the rapper's whole reasoning for working with the White House on the Platinum Plan, which aims to develop Black businesses and communities. George Carlin. A Death! ", 38. Yeah, the public sucks. ", 62. "When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. of American cultural paradoxes.. They don't want to hear from you. The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says.' George Carlin Believe, Government, Rules To Live By 48 Copy quote Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. OK? An old clip of George Carlin is gaining new life after this weeks reports from the Supreme Court on abortion. Honestly, I'd lean towards anarchist. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. This information is then used to select advertisements delivered by the platform and measure the performance of the advretisement and attribute their payments. "I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. Hes all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just cant handle money! George Carlin, Thats why they call it the American Dreambecause you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. George Carlin, He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly. George Carlin, I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white, and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes every day, because the owners of this country know the truth: It's call the Amercian Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.". Its called dick fear! Men are terrified that their pricks are inadequate and so they have to compete with one another, to feel better about themselves, and since war is the ultimate competition, basically, men are killing each other in order to improve their self-esteem! 1. "If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? "Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? Deal with it. They should be more vivid. Ice Cube visits the "Sway in the Morning" show with Sway Calloway on Shade 45 at SiriusXM Studios on December 07, 2018, in New York City. This cookie is used by Akamai to optimize site security by distinguishing between humans and bots. - George Carlin. "Electricity is really just organized lightning. They say, 'If you don't vote, you have no right to complain,' but where's the logic in that? The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. Change). But, he is wrong here. "My advice: just keep moving straight ahead. "Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. "Some people see things that are and ask, 'Why?' You probably know what pinkwashing and queerbaiting are, but how about abrosexual and multisexual?